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Falling can be one missed step away ... Part 1


As always I come to you from my own personal experience in hopes that I am sharing relevant information that will uplift motivate or at least make you think. In this season of my life I'm learning the importance of being transparent. As much as I want my post to bless you, Im also gaining because I am blessed as well. The more I share the more I am healed the recovery process begins when I took the steps to be vulnerable. The internal wounds covered up by my 9-5 cookie cutter, keep your head up game face are now able to be stitched.  So it begins for me another chapter, how I got here is what I am about to share with you.....

A successful woman in her mid 30's looks to have everything, family , friends, car of her own, apartment, not to bad looking (lol) and a few degrees under her belt. No children newly married and a career that can lead to many opportunities. The best part is the strong relationship I have built with God, finally accepting who I am and who's I am.  So where did it all go wrong ? Honestly, I was at my highest point, I didn't see any possible way I could fall from where I was. Did I think I was better than anyone no, humble is what I strive to be every day of my life. I under estimated the my vulnerability to the things that can bring me down. I was flying high and made some enemies because of it. 

I decided to get married based on lies that I allowed my self to accept. I decided to be a slave to father time instead of trusting the author of time. See the fairy tale I had dreamed up I was a few years behind.  I should have been married a few years ago and been working towards my second child. So when the opportunity presented it self, I accepted even though his resume wasn't up to par. There were many red flags and signs but I thought Hey things will work them selves out right ? So now I'm in this thing, and the wheels weren't that tight to begin with but now I'm shocks at how soon  that the wheels are falling off..... All that I had was falling apart before my eyes all that I was being challenged. Threatened the very being of who I was, and soon I became an empty shell. The Happy go lucky, successful , helpful and God fearing woman was starting  to deteriorate. No longer able to find the will to smile, no longer motivated to be a change to the world, faith withering to dust. Then the nervous break down! Down down down.... I never imagined mustering up faith would become a difficult task, depression had set in and I was numb. Irritated at the responses I was getting from others to just hold on, just pray, don't let go, you have to try harder. All the while they were looking at the woman I had once been not he battered and bruised woman I was right now. That other woman had the strength to pray until the walls fell down. She could sing too the heavens and break chains, she could sacrifice herself for others and lend strength. This time she was all tapped out, tank on empty. 

Too Be Continued ...... 

It's hard to image what the bottom is like when you have always been on the top... Vice versa it is hard to imagine what the top is like if you have always been on the bottom

This story is a bit lengthy so I will break it down into a few parts... Don't want to overwhelm you guys with to much too soon ... So stay tunes for part 2 

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