Addictions

It's amazing how after you have gotten over a mountain you can sit back and see clearer. You can see the who, the how, the what and the why! The title of this post is addictions I briefly spoke about my mountains because at the time i was climbing I didn't realize i had an addiction. Now when you hear the term addiction often we think of some sort of drug or alcohol. My addiction was neither of these. Let me first explain a little about addiction. Studies show that those who have and addiction usually is due to a traumatic experience that makes a person want to tune out there reality. An addiction can interfere severely with your everyday life. An addiction can effect how you spend your time and your money. An additiction can hold you hostage from your prepared destiny. I know your probably like alright already what's your addiction ! Lol ok here goes ... Well my addition was food.😳 It's been about 2 years now since I've went on my journey to better myself inside and out. I've loss a total of 90 lbs and gained so much more in life. When my addiction was in full effect I didn't recognize it at all!  Food had become my coping mechanism. It had become my friend. When ever I was was stressed, when I was lonely, when I was frustrated I would reach for my favorite snack. Thinking back now it actually gave me a physical sensation of happiness for the moment. Wow That's the thing about addictions you live one moment too the next. I never was good at expressing my emotions or feelings.  I was a person who had a lot of opionions but didn't think I was important enough to be heard. So instead of talking I stuffed my face to keep from thinking about dealing with issues. When you hooked your on a downward spiral of additional issues. The more upset I got the more I ate,the more I ate the more weight I gained. The more weight I gained the more confidence I loss, the more confidence I lost the more motivation I lost. Now I'm stagnant feeling like I have no way out, feeling confused, sad, disappointed. If only I could loose the weight, if only this person wouldn't have made me angry!  If only my job didn't work my nerves I wouldn't be so aggravated. Right ? (No) An that my friends is the cycle of addiction, denial, pitty, and blame. No body was forcing me to put anything in my mouth yet it was someone else's fault. Some situation that just pushed me. My addiction was now in full effect the outside effects were starting to show . Now when People saw me they would say wow you got big ! Or girl you gained some weight. Now the inside effects were not so obvious. Mentally I was a mess, trapped in a cycle of negativity. Physically I was even worst! I had become severely obese, pre diabetic, and my blood pressure was extremely high. Then came the anxiety attacks. If you ever had one you know how awful they can be! Now what in the world was going on! I was breaking down from the inside out. Praise be on too God that one day 2 years ago I made a decision! I decision was that I was going to kick this habit that I was going to treat myself like I would a good friend or close relative. I was going to do better be better . Was it a process yes ... As a matter of fact I am still working the process. It it has been the best decision I have ever made. I can look in a mirror now with out flinching and see the gift God created that is me! I am motivated to pursue my destiny here on this earth. I believe that I am the head and not the tail. I am moved to encourage others. My goals and aspirations feel obtainable! Me sharing my story is a way I am giving back. Addiction to anything is a destructive path. Some paths aren't as readily seen by the eye. I suffered in silence for many years. I wore a painted on smile and accepted the title of cute fat girl. I now know I am much more than that! You are more than your situation, addiction or habit! Will you choose too make that change ? Now! No time to waste ....  Love peace & blessings too you all!